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The first time I fell in love, I was 17. I met Cain online. I sometimes wonder why fate brought two strangers together that night. All I know is that I fell in love with Music the night I fell in love with love. I sang him a Kate Nash song the night we met—We skyped until 4 in the morning. I was still learning how to play guitar—I was too nervous to play in front of anyone else, but there was something safe about playing in front of Cain. From that day on, our relationship and daily Skype dates were set to the sounds of new bands Cain sent me: including Frightened Rabbit, Sigur Ros, Gregory and the Hawk, Radiohead. A lot of these artists shaped my songwriting. When I hear these songs today, I’m brought back to my bedroom in that small family house in that small town in Connecticut. I lived in my head—in a world that Cain and I built together— a secret place where we could meet and be together regardless of time, space, and the circumstances keeping us apart.

I never got the chance to meet Cain. He passed away 3 years ago from cancer. It was hard for me to cope with the fact that I thought we had more time. I had the most important session where I wrote the most important song with Jesse (from JOME) about 2 years ago. We wrote about how I visited London after Cain passed and spent an evening with his mom and best friend, dancing, laughing, crying, singing, and sharing our favorite memories of Cain.

Music is so incredibly valuable to me. And, because of Cain it will always remind me of the time I fell in love with the beautiful Internet boy.

Soundtrack Of Your Life

  1. Helicopter – Bloc Party “The perfect combination of melodic and aggressive.”
  2. Dumpweed – Blink-182 “The best album opener…ever…”
  3. The Way You Are – Tears For Fears “Their least favorite of their own songs…my absolute favorite.”
  4. Around The World – Daft Punk “The song that told me to make music on a computer…”
  5. Rue Saint-Vincent – Yves Montand “For when you open a bottle of wine…”