The summer of 2017 I spent grieving. My marriage had abruptly came to and end. I was at a lost. I had a hard time getting out of bed for a few weeks. Waves of shock, grief, anger and dismay rolled through me nonstop. A few months later I began writing. I wanted to process what was happening to me through music, because melodies are a balm to a weary soul. At least to mine.
“Regret” was a song that came to be late one night. I had been up arranging songs for my other project to have some strings recorded over the weekend. I knew they could record seven songs in two days and I only had six for them. I thought, I should write something for Moda Spira and have them play on it since they are here. It was almost midnight and I had written three lame ideas that I had trashed. I told myself, “Latifah, you have one more song in you, just try again and if it sucks you can just go to bed.” I started playing this progression, it was sad but it felt like a warm blanket you wrap around yourself and immediately brings you comfort. I let it keep revolving and occasionally threw in a major over the minor chord and then just cycled it in Logic. I sat at the mic and the first thing that came out of my mouth was, “You can’t regret it if you never hurt it.” It was one of those songs that just came out. It was my stream of consciousness at the time. It was statements and questions I was asking my ex as well as myself. It doesn’t really makes sense but it gave me clarity to just sing my guts out as the lyrics came out. And then I held the chords and the refrain came, “I was in love with you. It was in plain clear view. But it takes more than one, it takes both of you.” And I put it at the top of the track. It felt right. It felt honest. And it made me cry when I listened back to it. I cried because it felt cathartic to sing what I felt. The act of moving that shock, grief, anger and dismay out through the vibrations of my voice in my lungs and rib cage. It felt emotionally liberating.
The weekend came and my string players did a beautifully haunting job translating the same emotion through their instruments. I know that I wanted the song to have some of the same feelings I get when I listen to Radiohead and David Bazan. So I chased down each tone and sound until it felt like it was a cohesive piece, an arrow straight through and into my process of grieving the disconnection and confusion that comes with divorce or any loved loss. I have only played this song live twice so far and each time I can feel the tears at the bottom of my throat and the top of my lungs. But it also feels good to be honest.
Favorite Record Store
Stans Records in Lancaster, PA
Favorite Concert Venue
The Boulder Theater in Boulder Colorado
Other Bands You’re Involved In
Heck Ya the Halls, Page CXVI
Singer, songwriter and producer Latifah Alattas opens her heart and soul with Moda Spira, a project marked by an uncommon emotional honesty and melodies brimming with tenderness. Her intimate vocals are complimented by music that wraps you in its comforting warmth and draws you into the embrace of the heart’s deep core. Moda Spira’s new album, ‘Divorce’, will be available everywhere on October 26th.